An unexpected gist

 AN UNEXPECTED GIFT

      Image from pixabay, created by Bru-nO

 Today was not meant to be a good day.  Today was the start of a new cycle of chemo, and in the 3 week cycle the first week is the most brutal. It requires 2 types if chemo, 1 of which is only given in week 1. It takes a couple of hours and for the first time it was scheduled early, if you know me and early these days you will get it. I was also anxious as the last session of chemo was awful and was the first time I had put in a complaint against a nurse. Despite the breast care nurse affirming  he things that had happened was worth complaining about, I was left a little uneasy, as I was told that the team was going to hear about some of the things that happened as part of training. My understanding was the the specific nurse was spoken to helped a little and to be honest I think she was just inexperienced. I also made sure that what had happened was a one off and generally I think the nurses are fabulous. 

My husband and I got to the cancer center a couple of minutes late but we were the first in the waiting room. I took out the blanket I am crocheting thinking I would not get much done. I was wrong, we waited until the waiting room was full before we were called in. I didn't mind as I enjoy crocheting and seeing the blanket grow. It was something I taught myself off youtube thanks to inspiration from my cousin Persa, so I would have something to do besides scroll while waiting in waiting rooms.  

Once in, I was given an experienced nurse who was both thorough and friendly. She got the canula in first go in my hand and it was relatively painless. The flush worked well but as soon as the first drug was flowing I felt incredible pain in my veins in my hand and forearm. They gave me heat packs and slowed the pace of the drip, but the pain did not subside. The solution was to put in another canula. Both my nurse and Luke the gun nurse at canulas, were not confident they would be able to get another one in, partly due to a superficial blood clot that I had developed in the previous week. I then had to wait about an hour for a specialist who used a portable ultrasound machine to be able to locate a usable vein further up my arm that did not hurt when the chemo went through it. Pete looked exhausted and he had a doctor's appointment soon so I convinced him to go home. This would be the first time I was having chemo without Pete there for all of it (I survived and it was fine). 

Then the unexpected happened. 

As part of the process of administering chemo the nurse calls another nurse to go through the routine questions again - your name, date of birth, allergies and today I was even asked where I lived. She was thorough. The nurse that was called to peer check the process was an ex-student of mine. While not her real name, I'll call her Julia.

Julia was one of those students you don't forget. I taught her in both Year 9 & 11. We initially bonded over a similar mutual cultural background. Once you got to know her she had a great sense of humour. She guarded that well, never seeking attention in class, But why I remember her was that she changed the way 
I taught, well to be specific she made me be more intentional with my language, to the point that through the years of working as a presenter to teachers through UNSW I often told her story. Julia was a perfectionist. Not in the sense that it was a healthy way to keep pushing herself to achieve but rather her perfectionism was maladaptive, she was terrified of failure. I knew this about her from the beginning but saw the extent of it when I told the class one lesson at the start of a unit that I was going to administer a pre-test. That was the last time I ever used that phrase to students! Julia panicked wanting to know if results would appear on her report etc. It took me a while to convince her that the purpose of the exercise was threefold 1. to see what they knew about the topic we were about to start so I would not waste my time teaching students things they knew 2. to see if we had to revise things I knew they had already studied last year as building blocks and to 3. identify who needed extension in what areas. I told her it would be very unfair to include something in her report that she had not even studied yet. From then on, in any class my language to students changed to "I just want to know what you know so I don't waste your time." Julia also honoured me at the end of Year 11. When students at that school prepare to go into Year 12, their final year of school, they choose a teacher to ask to be their mentor, a process where you meet up regularly to support the student as they need. Unfortunately I had to say no, as I had taken a job at a different school the following year. I did occasionally see Julia when during uni she worked at the local bunnings and we went there for our hard wear needs. 

As soon as I realised it was Julia I said hello to her. It took her a few extra seconds then expected to realise who I was. To be fair I weigh a lot more as a result of this cancer journey, my hair is short after loosing it to chemo and she only knew me with long hard and I have officially changed my first name. When she recognised me she was shocked. What followed was an awkward conversation as I desperately tried to guide the conversation while looking at her doing her best, but failing, at hiding the sadness and shock she was experiencing. After finishing with the medical needs to get me started again on chemo the nurses walked away. Soon after I looked across the room and the elder 2 where talking to Julia in a comforting way, As a previous head teacher I recognised what was going on and to be honest I was quite taken aback by her response. It had been 8 years since I taught her. When my initial nurse came back I asked her if Julia was upset over me having cancer, to which she replied yes. When Luke returned I asked how long she had worked there as I had not seen her before and he explained she was on a 3 month rotation as she was normally on the cancer ward and this was important to their training. He told me she was doing really well, and going into teacher mode I suggested he tell her.  

I decided to go to the toilet in the hope of chatting. I kept the chat light hearted asking her about her best friend who happened to be from a Croatian background like me and at an earlier world cup at school told me I needed to go to the watch party at the Croatian club and how she was planning to go light flares; if you know you know. It seemed to break the tension as she told me about her former relationship and how much she learnt, She promised to come over to chat more once she did her paperwork. She kept her word; we talked about he cost of houses and how she was planning on staying at home until she got married, which did not surprise me, like I said we were from a similar background. She told me that after studying The Great Gatsby in Year 11 with my class, she had made it a practice to read it every year since. This amazed me as she had always told me she was a maths and science kid more than English, though she worked hard in English. I told her how she changed the way I taught with the language I used and how I told that story to hundreds of teachers in the course I presented (name changed of course). She seemed touched.  Time seemed to pass and it didn't bother me that the chemo process today was about 4 hours, double what was expected. 

You might be wondering why I chose the title that I did. You see normally after chemo, especially the first session I am exhausted and sleep not long after I get home. Today I didn't feel that inclination, it will likely come in the next few days. But today Pete and I went for a walk, and then I spent a few hours making cards, a craft I love as it is fun, creative and useful. I don't normally do themed cards as I get bored quickly and want to try something new, but tonight I was in flow as just wanted to make the same card with slight changes. I wanted to make a set of 8 as I had started with 2 of them. And as I did this I had a moment reflecting on what had happened with Julia today and how she had given me a gift. 

You see I have a favourite teacher from my school years, his name is Colin Skene and he was my maths teacher from years 9-12. For someone who became an English and History teacher, he made me love maths. He believed in me, he pushed me to do better and he challenged me. He cared for his students. I remember one of the times I was on crutches (there were a few thanks to dodgy knees as a result of my obsession with netball), my lift had not arrived and he took me home (I know it sounds dodgy in today's environment but it wasn't). For many of the students in our class we were the first ones to attend university and he believed in all of us to do that. A few years ago I got back in touch with Mr. Skene as I met some teachers from the school he was principal at and they told me he retired. I got in touch with our old 3 unit maths class and asked if anyone wanted to add to the letter I was going to write him to congratulate him on his retirement and to tell him of the impact her had on me, and no surprise but everyone of them did. He changed my education. It was because of him that I got into uni. and I love that we got back in touch. We don't see each other much but it is always great when we do. So tonight as I was there cutting paper, layering the cards and looking for embellishments, it struck me, I was someone's Mr. Skene. Julia being that upset was because she cares. I know that many teachers are someone's favourite, or that they have impacted students significantly but somehow I don't think of myself that way. To add to this epiphany I reflected on this week. I set up a fundraiser to help cover medical expenses that I shared with some people who are not able to help us practically but who I thought might help this way. (if you don't know about this, it's ok we were blessed with more that we expected and the expenses are covered) Some ex-students from 4 schools I have taught at contributed . Those donation touched me so much that at times I got teary eyed. I expressed this to a mother of an ex-student who donated his own money even though his parents had already contributed. When I messaged mum, she said you meant a lot to him, he will never forget the impact you had on his education. My first thought was that was Mr. Skene for me. I have never felt like I lived up to him despite modelling some of my teaching on him. But that was the gift I was given, firstly this week with those students contributing and then through the encounter with Julia today. 

While I have never read C.S.Lewis' book Surprised by Joy, that was the phrase that came into my head. I couldn't plagiarise it for my title as he is a master writer, but it captures exactly what I felt. As a Christian I believe God blesses us in the hard times too and today that was my biggest blessing, a student who got so emotional when she discovered I am battling cancer. It was awkward, I likely made the dinner table conversation at their house and I felt vulnerable, but reflecting back on it, I felt like it was a huge gift I was given 

If I was to encourage you, it is to invest in those around you. I left teaching because of the politics of school and some unhealthy environments were making it too hard and I ended up stressed, exhausted and sad too often. I also loved working for UNSW and sharing my knowledge with other teachers, maybe that was my natural step. Today reminded me of what I loved about teaching, always had- the students. And that too was a second gift, as often when I think of not teaching anymore I focus on the negatives, but man there were so many positive memories and stories of the joy that teaching teenagers gave me. I might need to dig up the scrapbook I have collated of all the cards I have received by kids and reflect on how much I used to love teaching. 

1 Thessalonians 5:18 says "Give thanks in all circumstance for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you." Today was meant to be a bad day full of tough treatment, and in many ways I could be justified in seeing it this way, and in the past I sometimes have, but God showed me the truth of this verse. I was blessed by somone's sadness and while that could seem awful, it really wasn't. 

These are the cards I made. It is only in the last week or so that I have really embraced doing this and it too has bought me such joy. One of these will go to Julia next week. 

Sorry this was so long and different to the way I normally write them. Thanks if you got this far. Please know this is not a boast of my teaching, but a reflection of being blessed and thankful even in the tough times.